Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
