I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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