Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
