i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
