sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
