I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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