Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
