I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
