he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
