jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
