i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
