Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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