I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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