Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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