I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
