he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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