You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How naked do you want me to be?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
