you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Will exercising make me less horny?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
