just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
