Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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