At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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