I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
