Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
