My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
