In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
