he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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