Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
