Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't notice because vodka
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
