dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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