i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
