WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
