hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We left the knife in your bed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
