He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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