he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
