How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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