Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
