i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
two words: eviction party
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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