My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
