guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
