I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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