woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
