I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
