How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
