yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
