Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
