Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
