Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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