The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
