I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
