theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
