Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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